I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize