I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
