Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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