Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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