The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
