oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
