we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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