Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
