i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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