Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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