but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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