We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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