take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
