yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
