I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
