I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
