You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
