***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
