he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
