it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
