Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
