Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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