Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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