please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
