he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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