Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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