I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
