The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
