sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
