I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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