I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
