Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize