you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
