allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
