There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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