In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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