Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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