You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize