No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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