Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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