Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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