hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
