Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
