I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
