i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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