i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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