Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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