A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize