Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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