Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
