You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
