We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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