just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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