Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
