i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
