I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
