Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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