Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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