first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
