I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
