I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
