Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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