anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
