Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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