I haven't been this sober since birth.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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