Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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