If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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